Expectations is a word, which we are subconsciously taught from an early age. It creates a kind of cause and effect sequence: if you do this, something will happen … if you don’t do that, something worse will happen. I could go on and on with different examples. This wish list or requirements list can refer to many different aspects of our existence such as appearance, health, work, family or our lifestyle, which we decide on.
Of course, without requirements and expectations it would be difficult to reach our goals. But don’t you think that we sometimes tend to exaggerate a little bit? What if we face an obstacle which we are not able to overcome, no matter how hard we try? Shall we throw ourselves off a bridge or lock ourselves in a room with no windows?
Since I can remember I have been chock-full of inner demons fed by my complexes, which despite being quite absurd, still whispered rather real things into my ears, which made me feel bad, because I wasn’t fully able to meet the requirements, in this case the ones related to my appearance. Fortunately, after some years I look at all these thoughts and believes with a grain of salt, however there are quite a lot of girls who cannot go through such problems and they resign from this or that, because their thigh is too big, because their belly protrudes, not to mention the cellulite … ugh!
Many things which we can observe on TV, in the newspapers or on the Internet are a complete and total lie and that’s sure we shouldn’t try to compare ourselves with all these perfectly looking and always smiling women, who look at least as if they just won the title of Miss Universe while cleaning the toilet. You never know what stories happen behind closed doors and what comes with a price for their perfectly neat hair, make-up and a model’s figure. Most possibly, in the evening, just before going to sleep, after wiping off their make-up and putting their smile back in the drawer, they don’t differ from plain Jane living next door, the one who you walk past in the stairwell everyday.
To bee cool no need to be fool. Just be fit to keep it! You don’t have to dress to kill to make others like you. You don’t have to do anything, but surely you can. Everything you do, do for yourself and not necessarily to meet the requirements imposed on you by all kinds of mass media, which feed themselves on such people who easily believe in everything, the requirements which include having perfect look, being fit and following the newest fashion trends, which after all keep changing all the time.
As I’ve already mentioned before, in the past I could have had an extra middle name which would sound just like Madame Complex. I didn’t like this, I couldn’t stand that and this vicious circle was powered by everything what I believed to be true at that time.
In the past that was my way of thinking: I’ve got awful clothes, bad skin, and to make things even worse my smile isn’t pearly white. It would be best to walk with a paper bag on my head with a caption ‘don’t look at me’. After years, I came back to some photos from the time when I was a teenager and I experienced a total shock, well, I looked just like other girls at that time, everything I would think about myself was just a figment of a self-conscious teenager’s imagination, the one who took into her head this or that.
For sure the ‘enlightment’, which I experienced while looking at these old photos, was just one of many breakthrough moments on the way towards proper or at least not that much distorted perception of myself.
I don’t have best skin, but it could have always been worse. In the past I would wear polo-necks most willingly, just to cover spots on my shoulders and arms. Now, I’ve come to a conclusion that, darn it, I’ve got all these spots, but I also have quite nice shoulders, why shouldn’t I show them to the world in summer?
There was also a time when I had some extra weight here and there. My hips went out of popular at that time hip hugger jeans, which wasn’t really attractive to the eye. Finally, I came to a conclusion that something should be done about this, as maybe I’m not a master of aesthetics, but even I was able to notice that there was something wrong about my body. The main impulse to take up more intense physical activity were socks by Steigen, which had beautiful and vivid colors, so it would be a pity not to make use of them. Since these were typicaly sports socks, I decided to start running with a friend. One summer I would run everyday in the morning, later it got only worse, as sometimes, I could even dare to say that quite often I lack motivation to take actions and Mr Lazy together with Ms Excuse take control over my career of an unfulfilled sportswoman. Nevertheless, I got to like physical activity as such, which was unthinkable in the past. Thanks to running I lost some extra weight without following any diet or resigning from food which I really like.
Last but not least, my pet subject, which has slowly become a regular passion of mine, are clothes. I have real weakness for them, but after all, when if not now? It’s sure that nice clothes can improve our mood and the way we are perceived by others. No matter whether you’re of XS or XXL size, you can dress well, classy and the way you really like. Don’t waste your time, as with age our body won’t look any better, so make use of what you’re given now!
Why did I call this article in such a way? Because I’m really irritated by being pressured into fitting the standards, as if you don’t fit you’re out of the group, and in the best case you just move to the ‘bush league’! It’s not true at all, diversity should be cultivated and appreciated, I’m of course talking about positive uniqueness, let’s not jump to extremes quite yet. Don’t compare yourself with others, and surely not with Barbie dolls you can see on TV. Be inspired by the ones who are worth that, not the other way round.
It doesn’t matter whether you are lanky or plump. It doesn’t matter whether you dress in black or you love pastels. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve got perfect skin or you’re 30 and still fighting with acne. Diversity is beautiful, as long as we take care of ourselves and we put things in proportion. If you starve for weeks or you gorge yourself behind the corner, don’t be surprised that you’re far from being perfect. Except the fact that there are no perfect people, I realized that once when I was at the beach and I was observing others, you won’t even believe how much it lifted my heart! However, being fit to the best of your ability will improve your health and future body strength. Having a balanced diet you can avoid serious diseases. Dressing well and taking care of yourself will make you more interesting for the society, and most importantly you will love yourself. Remember that if you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to love others truly. It’s an important life lesson, which will undoubtedly bring you wonderful outcomes in the future!
See you around!
Yours,
Passion Piece
Photos by: Matheus Ferrero, Glenn Carstens-Peters, Sandrachile, Emiliano Vittoriosi, Mihai Stefan, Anthony Tran, Joshua van der Schyff, Júnior Ferreira, Tyler Nix, Vladimir Fedotov, Calvin Lupiya; Houcine Ncib on Unsplash
What an awesome reminder! Comparing self to others is definitely one of the biggest obstacles to happiness. Like you said, we never know what happen behind the closed doors and what's the price they have to pay for such perfection that we see on the surface. ~ Ola @ WanderWithOla
We need to treat ourselves as unigue individuals, as one of a kind ... comparing ourselves with others isn't good, as our assessment of ourselves may be distorted, and thus negative.
I used to compare myself to others but after a while I just said screw it and let go nowadays, I don't need to current stuff or what others are doing.i just do me no matter what.
That's a wonderful attitude, hope you are doing great! :)
Best words of wisdom here! No one should be comparing themselves to others, be comfortable with who you are!
Only being comfortable with ourselves will allow us to feel comfortable with others. :)
I struggle sometimes with comparing myself to others, but I'm working on it. This post is a great reminder.
Glad you liked this post! Keep working on yourself! :)
I agree, always be yourself! Everyone has a different body shape, and that's okay. Mine shows that I like to eat ;)
I also like to eat, that's a pain whenever I need to say stop to myself! :)
There are no perfect people. We need to love the way God created us.
Wise words! Faith is very important! :)
I totally agree with everything that you said. Being healthy is more important than being sexy, but the society is telling us otherwise. Body positivity is more important.
Sure, there is nothing more important than health! :)
What a great blog to read. So many good points and really love the wisdom. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm so happy to hear such nice words! Thank you! :)
Some real words of wisdom here, I always think to myself that no matter I hate something about myself, there is always someone who is worse off than me.
Yes, that's so true! We are not the worst in the world ... it would be super difficult! :)
Comparison is def a struggle of mine. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective.
You're welcome! :)
We all need to always love and appreciate ourselves instead of expecting others to provide us with a sense of worth.
Yes, but sometimes it's just hard to remember about that. :)
Nie ma ideałów, ja podobnie. Ja podobnie ak Ty zauważyłam obserwując własne zdjęcia sprzed lat, że byłam, jak każda inna nastolatka, a siedząc na plaży zauważam, że ludzie mogą być szczęśliwi i piękni mając rozmiar xs, i mając rozmiar xxl ;) Ile straciłam przez kilka lat nie plażując z powodu kompleksów... A teraz mam kochaną rodzinę i nie jestem już taką egoistką, po prostu myśląc o innych, i czując się też piękną w zwiążku - ja kocham siebie, a kochając siebie, jestem piękna... Takie koło, które czas zacząć nie oglądając się za siebie i nie porównując się do innych...
To prawda, że często przemawia przez nas egoizm i skupiamy się totalnie nie na tym, na czym trzeba. :)
I think our expectations are often the reason why we feel sad. It's because things often don't go our way. I find that acceptance and letting go of control does help in this sense.
In my case, most of the times things don't go my way, but I'm slowly learning how to deal with that disappointment. :)
Great post. You have a lot of really interesting passions! I wish i could style things naturally...i'm such a hot mess when it comes to clothes! HAHA
Thank you! Hot mess may also be interesting. :)
Lost 1.5 lbs now in a week. But today is Sunday, so it's my cheat day. Been wanting to lose some weight, not for anything but so that I won't look like my mother.