In today’s post I’d like to focus on a matter which probably makes a lot of you feel uneasy … How to find an ideal partner? First of all, I’d like to stress the fact that I’m no authority in this subject, since I’m single now. Last week, I had a chance to take part in an event, which encouraged me to reflect on this issue … but first things first!
While being single for a longer period of time, especially in your early 30s … Do you feel that there’s something wrong with you? It’s the time during which all your friends are getting engaged, married and are setting up their families, and you seem to be just a bystander … your relatives keep nagging you with questions when you’re finally going to settle down, and you don’t really know what to answer … if you’ve got such problems, we’ve got something in common! I think that being aware of the fact that there are more people struggling with similar dilemmas is very comforting.
Last week, I had a chance to participate in retreat organized before Easter, and prepared for teenagers by the Christian community Metanoia (http://www.metanoia.priv.pl/). Because of some work duties, I was a little bit late to the meeting and while entering the room I noticed a girl, who was standing on the stage and talking about her life, and about the fact how long she had to wait for her husband, while others around were creating relationships and setting up families. What I liked the most in her speech was the thing which we should always remember about … that all good things are worth waiting for.
I think that all of you are more or less experienced when it comes to man-woman thing. I personally learned something new from every finished relationship. I don’t really regret any of them, as I always try to remember about the good moments and about the positive character features of people with whom I had to split up. These apparent failures helped me to find out what is really important for me in another person, and I think that these are universal values. Of course, there are as many needs, as many people are in the world, that’s why we cannot generalize too much … I hope that my comments will occur to be helpful at least for some of you.
For me one of the most important aspects of any relationship is trust, you have to work really hard to make others trust you, but unfortunately you can lose their trust in the blink of an eye. There are people who you trust with your life, I know it may sound naive, but if you trust someone with all your heart and you would literally trust them your life … that’s it! Of course, sometimes we can be mistaken, but if we are careful observers and we listen to ourselves, we can really find a person who will be the right one. If your inner voice tells you that you shouldn’t trust someone, because of some reasons, you should have a closer look at your partner and resolve doubts while there’s still time.
The next vital issues for me are honesty and faithfulness. These two features go hand in hand in a well functioning relationship. We’ve got the right to expect loyalty from our partners … I’m not only thinking about betrayals, but also about the right support in difficult life situations. Honesty for sure helps in solving everyday problems and allows us to communicate well with our partners. Of course, it’s worth remembering that we should choose our words well not to hurt our loved ones … honesty, but not bluntness should be the basis of any relationship.
While searching for a husband or a wife, we should also pay attention to the values they share. If your boyfriend or girlfriend loves partying and flirting with just anyone, don’t expect that he or she will change after marrying you. You should check if the essential issues are the same important for both of you. These common values will be the basis of your future family one day.
While being in a relationship it’s good to have common goals, which you will pursue together. Of course, your boyfriend doesn’t have to be interested in everything you like, however it’s worth setting common goals, which you will be aiming at together, because they will help you get to know each other better and you will have the opportunity to spend more time together. Lack of common goals may occur to be frustrating with time, and in consequence may lead to quarrels and disappointment.
In a well functioning relationship both sides should be able to make sacrifices and to compromise. Of course, I’m not talking about changing yourself completely for your partner, however from time to time both sides should yield for a good cause. Are you a stay-at-home type of a person and your partner wants to go out? Accompany him/her, your loved one will know that his/her needs are important for you … compromises should be bilateral, so that no one feels disappointed and deprived of the things which are really important to him/her.
The next aspects without which I cannot imagine a good relationship are respect and tolerance. I always remind myself of the fact that my ideal partner doesn’t need to be perfect. The ideal partner must agree with me when it comes to the issues mentioned in this article. People always have their imperfections. We should respect and tolerate our partners’ limitations, as long as they don’t have a negative impact on our relationship.
Well matched partners should motivate each other, and I’d like to come back to a quotation which I really like:
‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’
– Lao Tzu.
While being in a relationship you should grow together, and you should also remember about leaving some space for your partner, so that he/she doesn’t feel oppressed.
And the high point of this article is love … it can move mountains! People who really love each other will always find the way to be together. Small obstacles won’t be something they won’t deal with. I’ve always been dreaming of such love and I hope I’ll find it one day. Don’t lose your faith and don’t bend the rules, only because of the fact that others pressurize you to do something. It’s your life and you must live it the way you want to and with the person you truly love.
See you around!